Ian's Blog:

Stories, experiences, and insights from my schizophrenia

The Number One Social Hack for Schizophrenics

All throughout my life, a significant part of my personality was (and still is, sometimes) getting thorough enjoyment out of saying something shocking or controversial, but always true. I find when my mental health is not doing so well, I seek out conflict. Saying shocking and controversial th...

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The High-Functioning Schizophrenic Productivity Trap

In the year 2015, I had been out of school for 10 years. In those 10 years, the only education-related thing I did was studied for my driver's license. I failed the learner's permit exam over 10 different times in two provinces and one state. When I started to master my ability to manage my sc...

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How I Manage Stagnation: Gratitude and Willful Discontentment

In the last seven or so years, I started acknowledging to myself that I was grateful for the life I had. When this thinking first started, I was a 25-year-old grown man living with my parents. I never had a real girlfriend, and I could never get a date. When I wasn't working my part-time job, ...

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Rediscovering My Low Carbohydrate Diet

Over the last year and a half, I had been tapering off of my low carbohydrate diet for a variety of reasons. Partly from laziness, partly from getting hungry and having no other options, partly from a lack of self-control, but I think the biggest reason if that I forgot the tremendous benefits...

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How I Manage Schizophrenia Medication Sedation

Recently, I've been experimenting with where I sleep in the house. Because I can't be moving the bed all of the time, I've been sleeping in makeshift beds. I tried 3 different beds on the hardwood floor: A blanket underneath me A thin foam pad with a blanket over it

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A Delusional Stream of Thought

Scenario: I just had dinner and I'm making myself a coffee. (Yes a coffee after dinner, I have unhealthy habits, stop judging me). All of a sudden, I get this discomfort in the back of my mouth, up toward my nasal passage. "This feels like that last time I got a cold. Ugh, I don't wan...

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How I Manage Moments of Panic

There are times when there are very real moments that are of slight concern that my brain blows completely out of proportion. There are also times where a delusion of mine completely spirals out of control, and I have what I can only assume to be some kind of mild panic attack. For context, I'...

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How I Experience Ambivalence and Social Withdrawal

Today I'll be talking about more negative symptoms. In particular, apathy or ambivalence. This certainly goes hand in hand with the lack of drive negative symptom I spoke about in a previous post. I'm not sure how I feel about the symptom. On one hand, it makes me sort of insufferabl...

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How I Experience Excessive Agitation

The positive symptom I'll be talking about in this post is agitation or irritability. I could be wrong, but I feel like agitation is a symptom of all the other symptoms. Sort of like how an animal in pain can be much more hostile than usual. If you're continually experiencing unpleasantness th...

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How I Experience Motivation Deficiency

Preface: For context, this post was written in the summer of 2015. Since writing this post, I have found ways of more effectively managing the challenges described. Today I'll talk about one of the negative symptoms that have been a huge problem for me, a symptom that, like my delusi...

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Debunking the "Mental" in Mental Health

Today I would like to talk about the stigma around mental health and why, if there aren't more vocal people like me regarding these things, people will continue to be ignorant and perpetuate toxic attitudes and opinions towards people with mental illness. I'll start with what I beli...

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How I Experience Thought Disorders

In this post, I continue talking about positive symptoms, in particular, thought disorders. These include things like making loose associations, trouble organizing thoughts or connecting them logically, garbled speech, something called "thought blocking" (which I will describe shortly), and ma...

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How I Experience Delusions

Delusions are also a 'positive symptom' and, like hallucinations can be very disruptive to a schizophrenic person's life. A delusion is defined as "an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational ar...

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A Brief Introduction to "How I Experience ..."

A couple years ago, I took some time writing about how my psychotic symptoms affect me. In the next few days, I will be posting them seeing as they don’t serve much use sitting on my computer untouched. This post is to give you a brief context of what schizophrenia is and what categories they...

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How I Experience Hallucinations

Hallucinations are hearing, seeing, tasting, feeling and smelling things that aren't actually there. Out of all hallucinations that exist, the most prevalent symptom is hearing voices. When I hear voices, I generally hear them as a cacophony of whispers. Occasionally, a loud voice will shout a...

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Four Reasons Schizophrenic Men Should Be Bodybuilders

I’m a 31-year-old schizophrenic male and in the last four years, I’ve become incredibly high functioning. It started with a change in medication, then a low carbohydrate diet, and evolved into exercising, and, to a degree, bodybuilding. Bodybuilders typically adhere to a high fat, low carbohyd...

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