Ian's Blog:

Ramblings about things that are important or interesting to me

How I Manage Schizophrenia Medication Sedation

Recently, I've been experimenting with where I sleep in the house. Because I can't be moving the bed all of the time, I've been sleeping in makeshift beds. I tried 3 different beds on the hardwood floor: A blanket underneath me A thin foam pad with a blanket over it

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There's something so satisfying, yet so terrifying about a shrinking to-do list.

#late #night #contemplation


A Delusional Stream of Thought

Scenario: I just had dinner and I'm making myself a coffee. (Yes a coffee after dinner, I have unhealthy habits, stop judging me). All of a sudden, I get this discomfort in the back of my mouth, up toward my nasal passage. "This feels like that last time I got a cold. Ugh, I don't wan...

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Tonight I discovered some mellow beats to relax to.

#lofi #chill #jazz


Today I found a video that encapsulates my lifestyle.

#lifestyle #unintentional #misery


Chrome extension idea – it blocks you from posting on social media unless you answer 'yes' to the following questions:

  • Is it true?
  • Is it kind?
  • Is it necessary?

#late #night #contemplation


"Late Night Zombie" – A loose self-portrait.

#late #night #zombie


How I Manage Moments of Panic

There are times when there are very real moments that are of slight concern that my brain blows completely out of proportion. There are also times where a delusion of mine completely spirals out of control, and I have what I can only assume to be some kind of mild panic attack. For context, I'...

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Learning To Say No To Myself

Even before I graduated college, I had begun repeating the following words to myself on a regular basis: "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." I was beginning to learn that my immensely useful graphic design and software development skills could be ...

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This local bakery collects the rolling pins of other bakers they've defeated in pastry-to-pastry combat.

#bakery #pastry #combat


Tasteful noods.

#maruchan #ramen #yum


Tasteful nudes.

#tasteful #nudes #byyourstruly


My therapist says I'm too relaxed, so he recommended this therapy.

#stress #therapy #relax


Playing with ampersands.

#ampersand #shark #ampershark


Trying my hand at circuitry design.

#circuitry #design #puns


Sultry crema.

#java #americano #decaf


There be angels in the mirror realm...

#angels #mirrors #alsopixies


Embrace the darkness and it returns the embrace – in all its maddening glory.

#late #night #contemplation


I found no judgment in their words, for I had already judged myself.

#late #night #contemplation


Kicking SaaS, taking CNAMEs.

#software #development #humor


Regarding My Social Media Departure

I started writing a long post about why I did this, but I realized it's the same drivel that you've read everywhere else. So, instead, I'll just drop some bullet points. Why? I was spending as much time on social media as I was work – if not more. I've been...

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Why Your Follow Bot Sucks

As someone who frequents Instagram as a way to grow my business, I often encounter Instagram accounts that comment on my posts with generic comments that could apply to almost any post anyone could ever make, they follow the comment with liking my post and following me. This happens 3-10 times...

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Time Travel Development

This is a super quick and short article to refer my potential and existing clients describing what I call "Time Travel" software development. I charge a generally higher rate for this kind of development, and this article is an attempt to explain why. What is time travel development...

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How I Experience Ambivalence and Social Withdrawal

Today I'll be talking about more negative symptoms. In particular, apathy or ambivalence. This certainly goes hand in hand with the lack of drive negative symptom I spoke about in a previous post. I'm not sure how I feel about the symptom. On one hand, it makes me sort of insufferabl...

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How I Experience Excessive Agitation

The positive symptom I'll be talking about in this post is agitation or irritability. I could be wrong, but I feel like agitation is a symptom of all the other symptoms. Sort of like how an animal in pain can be much more hostile than usual. If you're continually experiencing unpleasantness th...

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How I Experience Motivation Deficiency

Preface: For context, this post was written in the summer of 2015. Since writing this post, I have found ways of more effectively managing the challenges described. Today I'll talk about one of the negative symptoms that have been a huge problem for me, a symptom that, like my delusi...

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Debunking the "Mental" in Mental Health

Today I would like to talk about the stigma around mental health and why, if there aren't more vocal people like me regarding these things, people will continue to be ignorant and perpetuate toxic attitudes and opinions towards people with mental illness. I'll start with what I beli...

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How I Experience Thought Disorders

In this post, I continue talking about positive symptoms, in particular, thought disorders. These include things like making loose associations, trouble organizing thoughts or connecting them logically, garbled speech, something called "thought blocking" (which I will describe shortly), and ma...

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How I Experience Delusions

Delusions are also a 'positive symptom' and, like hallucinations can be very disruptive to a schizophrenic person's life. A delusion is defined as "an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational ar...

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A Brief Introduction to "How I Experience ..."

A couple years ago, I took some time writing about how my psychotic symptoms affect me. In the next few days, I will be posting them seeing as they don’t serve much use sitting on my computer untouched. This post is to give you a brief context of what schizophrenia is and what categories they...

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How I Experience Hallucinations

Hallucinations are hearing, seeing, tasting, feeling and smelling things that aren't actually there. Out of all hallucinations that exist, the most prevalent symptom is hearing voices. When I hear voices, I generally hear them as a cacophony of whispers. Occasionally, a loud voice will shout a...

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Four Reasons Schizophrenic Men Should Be Bodybuilders

I’m a 31-year-old schizophrenic male and in the last four years, I’ve become incredibly high functioning. It started with a change in medication, then a low carbohydrate diet, and evolved into exercising, and, to a degree, bodybuilding. Bodybuilders typically adhere to a high fat, low carbohyd...

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Introducing: Curious Markings

Curious Markings Co. is an ongoing project by me (Ian McKenzie) that attempts to share my schizophrenic symptoms in an artistic, entertaining, and (hopefully) informative way. Curious Markings is all about a strange, unknown language that I hear as auditory hallucinations. This language takes ...

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Stridr: A Post-Mortem

Stridr is a project that I worked on between July 2016 and Dec. 2017. It was a social media aggregator that put all of your feeds in one place and suggested interesting new things based on what you already like. In the beginning... In July 2015, I began daydreaming about ...

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Today I Learned: About Simbi

I recently signed up to a new(ish) platform called Simbi. What is Simbi? As far as I've gathered from my two days of use, it's a place for people to trade their valuable time doing something they love, in return for others doing the same. Ac...

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How to Survive as a Small-time Tech Entrepreneur

Working as an entrepreneur in any industry can be a monstrous life-sucker. As entrepreneurs, it can consume our lives and severely damage our relationships with our friends and family. I am a little over a year into this journey, and I can already see the effects of work-life taking over. I ha...

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Stridr Now on Maintenance Mode

Hello friends and family, As you all know, I've been hard at work since July 2016 seeing Stridr come to fruition. While I will continue my efforts, I am pausing any money being put to...

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Stridr is a web application;

it collects everything you like on social media, and puts them in one place. You can see your friends' interests, get suggestions, & more. The idea for Stridr came from signing up to major platforms for t...

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